Seven Dwarfs

Not Forgotten

2005-03-24T00:18:00.000-08:00

If anyone is still checking in ...

I haven't giving up the with the blogging. I've just seemed to have given up on the having a life outside of work. I recently worked 30 out of 36 hours for example - and while I realize I did have those extra six hours available - I'm ashamed to admit that I chose to sleep.

It all slows down tomorrow - and then vacation starts. I have 12 days off, and I'll be spending 11 of them in the car - but don't feel bad for me - I'll be heading to San Francisco, LA, the Grand Canyon and Vegas.

I'm quite excited - but wishing I had had time to actually make a few plans. Or get a map. But really, how hard can the Grand Canyon be to find - I hear it's huge.

Priorities

2005-03-15T23:56:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how quickly they can change.

For the most part, I like how I've defined my priorities. Work often comes first, but there is plenty of room for friends and family when the opportunities arise - as best as I can fit them in around work. However, when I recieved news last Thursday that my grandmother would need a second surgery in 2 days, and was in danger of losing her leg, I suddenly thought work? What work?

I left work early Thursday afternoon to spend time with her in the ICU while she waited for her turn in the OR. She was sleepy, but clear headed and while there wasn't much to say, it was important to be there. I then spent another 3 hours sitting with my aunt and my mom, while waiting for the news.

In the end, the results were mixed. The doctor was able to save her leg, but she'll have a long rehabilitation and will have very limited mobility. I didn't see her the day after the surgery, as the rest of the relatives had arrived and were taking there time with her - and I'm only 90 minutes away, so I'll have more opportunities fo visits than some of the others - but by all accounts she's recovering as well as can be expected.

The whole event left me a little uncertain about my priorities. I know my work is important, but I'm not certain it should have to take a crisis for me to give family a higher priority. I'm glad that I didn't hesitate to go when the need arose, but I'm thinking I should be a bit more open to non-crisis family events.

Of course - then Monday arrived, and I was totally immersed in work again - especially with a day and a half to make up - and I wonder how I can possibly change. There is too much to do!

Tonight when I got home, I knew I should spend time working on a seminar I have to teach tomorrow morning. I also knew I should call a couple of family members to get caught up on things. So rather than make a choice between the two, I spent a couple of hours playing Sims 2, managing imaginary priorities. They are so much easier than real ones. The only downside is that I'll now have to get up awfully early tomorrow morning - to prioritize, of course.

Feeling Unappreciated

2005-03-09T23:25:00.000-08:00

Today at staff meeting, while we waited for those who were late due to traffic, some of my co-workers started sharing nightmare commuter stories.

I like to share too, so I chimed in with, "I hate it when I miss the light to turn left on 12th - it's guaranteed to double the time it takes to get here."

They all glared at me. Oh sure, they can complain about how a stall on the bridge added 30 minutes to their usual 60 minute drive or how missing one bus added 20 minutes to their 45 minute commute - but me - I get no appreciation or sympathy for my circumstances.

Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that my regular commute is only 4 minutes?

Well too bad - I have no sympathy for people who choose to live where they have to commute across a bridge in this city. I learned that lesson long ago and now I relish in the fact that I'm just getting up when they are getting in their cars or heading out to their bus stop.

The next time they bring it up I'm telling them the story of the day I had to wait at the crosswalk for the slowest walker in the world - and it added 3 minutes to my commute. I can already imagine how they'll cringe in horror. And then let the air out of my tires later in the day.

Groceries R Us

2005-03-09T19:06:00.000-08:00

The contents of my refrigerator this morning before my first shopping trip in 3 weeks:

Condiments
Tortillas
Apple Juice
Cheese
Carrots

The contents now include:

12 cans of Diet A&W Root Beer
4 - 1 L bottles of V8 Juice
3 - 2L bottles of Diet Coke
2 - 2L cartons of milk

Apparently the "drink only water" part of the habit changes has been replaced with a new liquid diet plan.

Small Things

2005-03-08T22:07:00.000-08:00

Things that made me happy for no reason today:

Pictures of my turns-2-on-Saturday nephew looking buff.
My "short-cut" home being re-opened after 8 months of water main repairs.
That my blog now exists on google. Yay google search hits.

Keeping Up With the Jones'

2005-03-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

When I first discovered blogs, I quickly found myself needing to feed my lurking habit and to check each one daily. In the beginning, if there was no new post, I contented myself with the archives. But once I was all caught up, what then?

Somedays, I found blog after blog with no new posts. I would get almost frantic, clicking from blog to blog - waiting - hoping - needing a new post. Checking just one more blog to get my fix.

Since I have started blogging myself, I have a HUGE new respect for those who write everyday (or even almost everyday). It is so hard to find both the time and the inspiration to write everyday. I really don't know how they do it.

I guess I'll have to start tackling some memes! Oh - and working less than 12 hours a day.

Run for the Border

2005-03-02T21:48:00.000-08:00

You would think she hated living here. Jasper that is. The dog.

How else to explain why, whenever she accidentally gets loose outside, she makes a run for it?

Tonight, in my pink meat hating induced haze, I attempted to take Jasper out for her nightly walk. I clipped the leash on, opened the door and watched as she ran freely out the door while the leash stayed behind in my hand. Oops.

I grabbed my keys (thankfully!) and headed out after her. She was already across the street in the neighbour's yard and wasn't falling for my "Hey Jasper , let's go for a ride in the car" trick. She headed down the block and I followed, alternating between fun, excited, "Let's go for a walk. Come on this way" attempts to lure her back and yelling "Wait" in the 'mean voice' - both of which work like a charm - when she's on the leash. Off leash - she barely looked back, and when she did it was just to see how big of lead she had.

She finally reached the end of the block and seemed a bit confused. Which way to go? A whole new world was open if she wandered off of this most familiar block. I grabbed the opportunity and called her one more time and she finally came barreling back towards me. And kept right on going.

I happened to be standing beside a neighbours open gate, so I went in their yard and called again. Jasper was intrigued. Normally she's not allowed in this yard. And a dog lives here. She fell for it and came running in. I closed the gate, cornered her and this time - got the leash on properly.

It wasn't until we were walking back that I remembered I was wearing my pajamas.

Not So Well Done

2005-03-02T18:01:00.000-08:00

Today I took a few of my staff members out to lunch with some gift certificates that had been donated to us. It was a great time to just hang out and spend some time discussing how they are each doing and feeling within their roles.

At least it was a great time until I looked down at the burger I was eating (I was about 3 bites in) and saw pink. Lots and lots of pink. I sent it back and received a very well cooked one in return. I'm not usually too picky about my food (other than wanting it to be cooked) so I didn't think too much of it and enjoyed the new non-pink burger.

About 3PM this afternoon I started to worry that perhaps those 3 bites of pink meat were not quite agreeing with me. By 4:30PM, after 6 runs (in many senses) to the bathroom, it was official. Pink hamburgers do not agree with my digestive system! One more reason to renew my membership in the "I Hate Pink Club."

(On the plus side - I got to go home early - although I went to work early this morning, so I still technically put in 8 hours - but at least no extra today.)

Isn't it Ironic

2005-02-26T23:54:00.000-08:00

That the Blogger spell checker doesn't recognize the following words:

blog
blogger
webpage
commenters

I'm just saying ...

Red Tape

2005-02-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday I filed my taxes. Not because I am an excellent citizen (although I am) or because I am particularly enthusiastic about taxes (because I'm not) - but simply because I'M GETTING CASH! And I want it now.

This morning I went online to check the status of my return. When do I get the CASH? This year, instead of simply answering 3 questions to get access to the info, I had to apply for an "epass account", which offers "Instant access to your personal income tax and benefit account information."

So far it has taken me longer to apply for this account than it took for me to file my taxes. I'm still not in, as apparently after providing them with every bit of personal info I can muster, I still need an activation code that should have arrived by mail - but in my case, didn't. Perhaps, to be helpful, they'll send this useful code that enables me to check on the status of my refund, with my refund. It seems exactly like something the government would do.

BREAKING NEWS: I just found the following statement ...

"you can check your refund status on My Account beginning in mid-March."

I guess their fancy new system wasn't quite ready for keeners like me - who just want their CASH. Good news is, it says it should only take 2 weeks. Who needs a stupid activation code? By mid-March - I'll be too busy shopping to have time to log onto my special "epass".

The World of Over Achievers

2005-02-24T12:35:00.000-08:00

This morning I got up promptly at 7AM - which if you knew me, you would know never happens voluntarily. But I was awake and I've been trying new things of late so up I got. By the time I left for work, I had worked out, walked the dog, cleaned the kitchen & bathroom, ran the dishwasher and folded and put away all of the laundry.

On the way to work I was frustrated with myself because I hadn't had time to vacuum.

What? Normally all I do before I leave for work is get up, stumble to the shower, get dressed, grab my stuff and hope I remembered to comb my hair. There is never any exercise or cleaning and the dog has to wait to 'do her business' till she hits the yard at work.

I must say it gets quite frustrating to never be satisfied with what you've accomplished. It generally means you get a lot done, but the thrill of accomplishment only lasts momentarily while you immediately set out on the next task. I've really got to learn to ease up on myself.

And tomorrow I won't be getting up early!

NailGate 2005 Revisited

2005-02-23T20:39:00.000-08:00

Last night, once again, that chubby mutt came in from playing in the yard with a broken nail. What exactly is she doing back there when I think she is just playing fetch with one of the kids from work? We've gone almost 6 years with no nail problems, and now this was the 2nd broken nail in as many months.

This one looked like a different kind of trauma (imagine (at your own risk) pulled back from the nail bed, instead of split down the middle). I immediately decided I wouldn't waste time worrying about what to do, but that I would learn from the last incident, and take her straight to the vet.

Apparently, this time I over-reacted. It seems that pulled back nails can be more or less of a concern than split nails. More of a concern if it is pulled too far back, as the dog must be sedated and the nail fully removed - not just trimmed back. Less of a concern if it isn't too far back, as it will heal itself. (More pretty mental images for you all!)

The good news is, this time it fell into the less of a concern category - it isn't pulled back far enough to warrant it being removed and the vet is quite certain it will heal on it's own if she rests for a couple of days and doesn't participate in "aggressive running" which might re-injure it. (I told Jasper this included "aggressive fence climbing and escaping" - hopefully she'll fall for it!) The vet is also certain that there isn't an underlying problem with her nails - that it is just a coincidence that she had 2 nail 'traumas' so close together.

Also good news - the vet charged me exactly $0 for over-reacting and taking up her valuable time. I told you she was a good one.

Even more good news - the chubby mutt lost .5 pounds. I'm not yet sure if the same can be said for the chubby owner, as she is avoiding the scale until the end of the month so as to not be discouraged again.

Would You Like Cheese With That?

2005-02-20T12:37:00.000-08:00

On my way to the grocery store, I followed a car that had a bumper sticker that read

"Don't Whine, Organize."

I thought, hey - that's good. I LOVE to organize. I can imagine proudly displaying such a bumper sticker about my desk at work. Then when I'm interrupted, I could just point at the sticker. Can't remember when the meeting is - don't whine, organize. Can't find receipts for your expense report - don't whine, organize. Forgot to turn in project info on time - don't whine, organize.

And then I noticed the car's other bumper stickers:

"Just Say Yes to Unions"
"Don't Settle. Fight For YOUR Rights."
"Unions - YES. Free Labour - NO."

Oh - that organize. Hmm, maybe I won't put it above my desk after all. I think non-profits probably frown on organized unions. Especially at the managerial level.

Besides - it seems like around here - it should more accurately read "Organize Your Right To Whine." Case in point - those damn hockey players.

My Own 12 Step Program

2005-02-19T16:09:00.000-08:00

Step 1 - Admit that you have a problem.
Step 2 - Start your own blog.
Step 3 - Actually write in your blog more than once.
Step 4 - Write an honest & personal post, rather than just silly ones.
Step 5 - Respond to comments left on your own blog.
Step 6 - Focus lurking energy on other tasks.
Step 7 - Visit webpages of commenters and leave them comments. Spread the love.
Step 8 - Write at least one comment on all the blogs you link to.

I'm off to tackle Step 8. Since I'm making this up as I go along, I'm not certain where steps 9-12 will lead.

I am certain that my next 12 step program will need to focus on my compulsion to make lists and the fact that I actually took the time to write this particular post. And that I won't be satisfied until I have 4 more steps.

Perhaps I need a therapist more than I need a blog. Especially considering I just took a break from writing this post to make sure I had fully completed Steps 6 & 7 before heading off to tackle Step 8. I soooo wish I was kidding.

*Please note - this post is not meant to mock or in anyway diminish the value of actual 12 step programs. It is meant only to mock me.

When Will I Learn

2005-02-17T23:42:00.000-08:00

Seriously dumbass - if you don't want to have to get off the couch

STOP THROWING CORN POPS WHERE THE DOG CAN'T REACH THEM!

No matter how funny it is to try and watch her get them.

How to Exercise Your Dog

2005-02-17T22:04:00.000-08:00

Wake up lazy dog
Gain dog's attention and interest by tossing a couple of Corn Pops in her general vacinity
Continue to throw Corn Pops around the room, one at a time, in different directions
Take it easy while dog races about the room hunting down the delicious treats

How to Exercise the Corn Pop Throwing Couch Potato

Throw Corn Pops underneath furniture where dog cannot reach them
Get off couch and lift various pieces furniture so dog can reach Corn Pops and will stop her incessant barking and whining

How to Avoid Straining Yourself During Exercise

Keep the Corn Pops to yourself

PS - You know it's time to tackle the heavy dusting after you find the dog's nose covered in spider webs after Corn Pops chasing spree.

The End of an Era

2005-02-17T20:53:00.000-08:00

After 2 weeks of no fast food, I stopped at a McDonald's tonight after work on my way to a meeting, as there had been no time to head home inbetween to grab dinner. I ordered my old nemisis, the chicken strips, and prepared to enjoy a favorite treat.

Or, should I say, a formerly favorite treat. I was unable to finish it, as part way through I was already feeling quite vile. I ditched the rest and, thanks to unexpectedly light traffic, had time to fit in some exercise to walk at least some of it off.

So yay - I think I've kicked a nasty unhealthy habit and replaced it with a healthy one.

I think I'll rent Super Size Me this weekend so I'm not tempted back to the dark side.

Trading Addictions

2005-02-17T01:35:00.000-08:00

I knew curing my lurkaholic addiction would be a multi-step process.

I just never imagined that one of those steps would be to replace the lurking addiction with a new "blog design tweaking" addiction.

I must be stopped. I must also sleep. Now.

But isn't it pretty???

Why I don't hate Valentine's Day

2005-02-14T16:12:00.000-08:00

Most single people I know, and some of the not so single ones, hate Valentine's Day. Over the years I've been invited to many an anti-lovers event in the middle of February, and I have never quite understood why everyone gets so upset over it.

Perhaps I'm just fortunate, because I've never felt neglected or overlooked on this day, simply because I'm a February baby and when your birthday hits within 2 days of Valentine's day, almost everything you get is red, pink and heartshaped.

Growing up, we had Valentine's Day parties each year which teachers and fellow students were always happy to make a little bit more about me than they needed to be. I never lacked for dance partners, because everyone paid extra attention to the (almost) birthday girl. No one overlooked me when they handed out valentine card's because it saved them time having to buy a separate birthday card. And as for the gift and treats - you name it, I received it.

This year has been no exception. Red & white stuffed dog - check. Black & red stuffed bear - check. Plenty of valentine's cards - check. A heart shaped box of chocolates - check. Heart shaped and/or red & pink cakes/cupcakes - check, check and check. Helium balloons - check. Flowers - nope - but that's a sign of love too since I'm horribly allergic to them. Unending sappy e-cards - check. I feel loved!

I would most likely feel differently about this day if my birthday fell in July - which makes me realize that perhaps all people are looking for today is a bit of attention and for someone, anyone to remind them that they are loved. Which means I'm off to send some sappy e-cards of my own.

But I'm keeping the chocolates.

Testing

2005-02-14T15:43:00.000-08:00

I have been having posting trouble for a couple of days. This is just a test. Had this been an actual post, I would have spell checked it.

Celebrity Poker

2005-02-13T18:55:00.001-08:00

Why do I love thee?

I really don't understand why I am so fascinated with this show (in re-runs). I know nothing about poker. I care nothing about poker. I don't even care about the celebrities that are playing. But I can't stop watching.

I might need an intervention. Or an invitation to your next Texas Holdem Poker Night.

PS. Who the heck is David Cross? Am I the only one who doesn't know? Isn't it a bit embarrassing to be on a “Celebrity” show, and not have people know who you are? Or is it me that needs to be embarrassed for not knowing who he is?

The Ball Park of Reality

2005-02-10T18:08:00.000-08:00

The other day in the office the conversation turned to the one topic guaranteed to make me run for cover – weight – specifically how much people weigh. Thankfully I was in an adjoining room and was therefore spared from pretending I wasn’t paying attention and freely able to eavesdrop.

One of my co-workers referred to someone who was tall for her age and said she weighed about ‘180’. Another co-worker quickly replied with “Hey, that’s my size.”

I was struck by these statements because neither of these people is fat - yet our culture tells us that if you are a woman and weigh 180 lbs, you must be fat. And I’m ashamed to that in that moment I realized that I kind of believe it too. I pretend I don’t. I pretend that most people that discuss weight are clueless. I scoff at those men who think that the majority of women weigh less than 120lbs. I tell myself it is all media hype and that we fall for it because the only women who will reveal their weight are usually underweight. Or lying.

But I must believe it because I was shocked to hear that these two people actually weigh 180lbs. I mean, if they weigh 180 and are not obese, that means that other non-obese women must also weigh 180lbs. Where are they? Why are they not shouting from the rooftops that they are average size, and therefore average weight AND they are not 110lbs? Why didn’t anyone tell me, when I weighed 180lbs, that I wasn’t abnormal?

I believe that most women weigh more than they would admit to. I completely understand. My weight on my driver’s license isn’t really in the ball park of reality. I wonder if the reason no one will be honest about it, is because no one else is. Do all women secretly think that there is no way they look like they weigh what the scale says? Do we all feel that those around them would be shocked, if not repulsed, to know our true weight? I look around at those who seem to be a similar size, look at them and think – there is no way they weigh as much as me. Instead I seem to believe that I have a freakishly dense body composition and no one must ever know.

Imagine if everyone told the truth. Imagine how freeing and empowering it could be.

I’m just not going first.

You are SOOOO jealous!

2005-02-08T22:36:00.000-08:00

You are jealous of me because:

I have exercised 3 days in a row and 6 of the last 9 days.
I have stopped drinking the evil but oh-so-delicious coca-cola.
I've been eating so much salad the dog doesn't even bother to beg at dinner time anymore.
I have gained 1lb.

Try not to hate me too much.

(So goes week 1 of Dr. Jax's Weight Loss Challenge. I think I should write a book. )

Just another lazy Monday

2005-02-07T23:58:00.000-08:00

My new super-efficient-spectacular work organizational plan has now been in effect for 2 weeks. I have not only had the fun of colour-coding, sorting and crossing things off - but I'm actually doing super, spectacularly efficient work. So much so that by 1:20PM I had finished not only everything on today's list - but tomorrow's too. That left me with so many possibilities - getting a head start on other rapidly approaching projects, tackling those "if hell ever freezes over and time allows" projects or even going into 'observation' mode (read playing silly games with kids while pretending to evaluate team members.)

However, I think I made much better choices with my time. This afternoon I did the following:

Spent 45 minutes at www.hallmark.com picking out those perfect cards for those special someones. (Sorry they were late guys - that's what you get for all three of you having a birthday on the same day - hope you like the annoying birthday song. It's only 'cause I love you.)
Sat on the couch and visited with a former co-worker and his too adorable daughter. Ensured said daughter received appropriate amount of encouragement to continue to call the dog "Mama", eat raisins by smushing handfuls into her face and dance on the table. I wonder why they never let me babysit?
Forwarded my favorite Bush joke* to everyone I thought would find it funny. I sent it to everyone else twice.
Did more "google stalking" under the guise of looking up old co-workers for an upcoming reunion. Oh the stories I'll be able to tell.
Left at 5:00PM for an important business dinner with a very valuable client. (Don't tell anyone she's only 12 - we had important things to discuss - such as a certain boy named A.J., Good Charlotte, the upcoming Survivor and why she feels compelled to eat sour cream, even though she doesn't like it.)

Good thing I'm salaried and have many 12 hour days to look forward to or I might feel a bit guilty. Besides, almost everything was work "related". I even sent the Bush joke to my boss.

*Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

To my fellow morning shoppers

2005-02-05T22:34:00.000-08:00

I like to laugh at you when you circle the parking lot ad nauseam looking for the perfect parking spot. I usually laugh because I know that by going straight to a parking spot a few rows over, I will not only beat you into the store, but I get lots of extra exercise. This morning I laughed because as I was driving to those further rows, the closest non-handicap parking spot opened up and I TOOK IT! Was that you still waiting for my spot as I backed out 20 minutes later???

When I am standing in an aisle and I step back to let you pass by, please understand that I am standing there because I am actually perusing the items on the nearest shelves. It is not so helpful for you to stop, with your cart, directly in front of me and take your time looking at those same items. Youre blocking my view and I was here first. That popcorn is mine all mine.

When you are shopping with your family, which includes an overflowing grocery cart, a mucky toddler in a stroller and pre-schooler enamored with samples, please try to avoid walking side by side by side and taking up the entire aisle. If you can think of no alternatives to the side by side by side walking, perhaps you could at least make room for someone else to pass at least once the say excuse me at least before they have to say it a fourth time.

If you drive in such a way that you block an entire intersection while you are turning, feel free to keep going, even if you think I have the right away when I don't. It's not that I'm trying to be rude and difficult, it just that it's hard for me to actually go, since, you know, you are BLOCKING the intersection and all.

Thank you to the one shopper who said excuse me to me, instead of just pushing past me. Thank you for making the ratio of excuse mes said to excuse mes received 34523:1.

Can I Have Farts With That?

2005-02-04T19:01:00.000-08:00

Last week I took the 9 year old son of a friend for a couple of hours to give her bit of a break (he is, shall we say, precocious). I had planned a fun filled couple of hours complete with all of his favorite activities – cleaning the back yard (poop patrol), washing the dog and vacuuming the car. (Seriously – those are his favorite activities – his mother has been known to use ‘not being allowed to wash Jax’s car’ as a disciplinary measure.)

After our ~~chores~~ fun filled activities were complete, I asked him where he would like to go for dinner. He immediately chose Wendy’s and I foolishly assumed it was because, with it being in a bit of a drive away, he didn’t get to go very often.

As we stood in line waiting to order, I listed all of the choices – burgers, fries, chicken nuggets – a nine year old kids dream menu.

He asked “Is this where they have chili?”

“Yes – is that what you want with your burger?” I innocently replied.

“Can I just have chili?”

“If you want – will that be enough for you to eat?”

"Yup – can I get the really big one?”

“Sure.”

Fast forward to us nearing the end of our dinner. He started to sing “Beans, beans, the musical fruit …”

I began to understand, as he fastidiously dug each of the beans out of the rest of his chili that he was too full to finish.

I knew that I was right when set his spoon down and announced – “Well, that should load me up with enough farts to last the whole night. I can’t wait to get home to ‘show’ mom!”

Yeah – “precocious”.

Things You Might Have Mentioned Earlier

2005-02-03T21:37:00.000-08:00

Dearest co-worker,

I am very thankful that you were able to get us a new, used printer for the office. I appreciate the opportunity to have colour printing that is not smeared like a 4-year-olds finger painting. I was blessed by the encouragement you gave me when I mentioned setting it up this afternoon because I had a very important, time sensitive, colour project to print and I was eager to see what crisp, sharp, detailed goodness it would produce.

I was not as thankful, appreciative or encouraged when, shortly after you left work for the day, I spent 2 minutes setting it up and 3482 minutes using all my best MacGyver tricks to try to get it to print in colour I cleaned, I re-aligned, I re-filled, I cried, I settled for finger painting.

The next morning you listened patiently while I complained about my failed efforts and then politely said, "Oh yes, the colour cartridge is defective. Well need to get a new one. I guess I should have mentioned that."

Ya think???

I Can’t Explain It Either

2005-02-01T22:12:00.000-08:00

I love the smell of coffee, but can’t stand the taste – in anything.

I hate the smell of broccoli, but could eat it for every meal.

Except last week when the broccoli I bought was so over powering that by the next morning the whole apartment reeked of it. Opening the fridge was enough to make convince me that this particular batch belonged in the garbage can*, not in the vegetable crisper, and certainly not on my plate.

Two days later I decided I need to buy new baking soda for the still broccoli smelling fridge. Or maybe I’ll just buy some coffee.

*Hey – maybe my landlords read this blog – they brought my garbage can back up to my door this week!

What this is really all about

2005-01-31T23:42:00.000-08:00

One of the real reasons I decided to start a blog is because I was looking for a way to help provide myself for with some accountability for getting healthy. So why no mention yet? Well, I guess I'm still sorting out how to use this form of communication and why I'm doing it this way. And I'm still trying to kick my butt.

So here it is. I need to lose weight. I need to take control of what I eat, when I eat it, how much of it I eat and how I work it off. I need to stop pretending it is out of my control and 'not my fault'. I need to do this for myself, not for anyone else. I need to do this because of how I feel, not because of how I look. I need to do this because 34 is fast approaching and I don't want 35 to hit and have nothing be different. I need to do this so I'll be healthy, not so I'll be thin.

How to do it? I have NO idea. I have been encouraged by the stories of others out there who have done what I am attempting to do, but it still seems SO daunting. I know I need help - but I'm not sure where to turn first. A large part of me stubbornly wants to prove I can do it on my own. That's ridiculous of course, since if I could do it on my own, I would be happily wearing a size 8.

So here's my plan - I'm giving myself 3 months to break some bad habits and form some new ones. I'll consider any weight loss during this time a bonus, a perk, a thrill. Then, once I've got my act together, I'll seek out those professionals that will teach me how to do it right - Weight Watchers, a personal trainer, advice from my doctor and nutritionists.

And why don't I just start with the professionals? Simply because I feel like I would be setting myself up to fail. When I think of all of the habits I need to change, it is overwhelming to do it all at once. To go from my current lifestyle to one filled with healthy eating based on informed choices and regular, supervised exercise. It makes me feel stressed and completely NOT up to the task. Brain overload. So ... baby steps.

For February - habits I plan to break:

Fast food - NO MORE! - pack a lunch dumbass.
Not eating until noon - IT'S CALLED BREAKFAST - eat it!
Snacking after dinner simply because it's there - so don't have it there.
The devil's own Coca-Cola - go Diet or H2O
Walking the dog at her snail pace - if we're walking anyway, I might as well work up a sweat.

Habits I need to start:

Drinking that H2O
Exercise beyond walking the dog - crack open those videos, break out the exercise machine
More veggies! More fruit! More veggies! More fruit! Say it with me now ...

So there - I said it. Now I just have to DO it.

NailGate 2005

2005-01-27T01:10:00.000-08:00

So, I cried on the way home.

It had initially seemed like a little thing. When Jasper came in from the yard last night just before we left the office, I noticed some blood on her back foot. A quick glance revealed what I thought was a bit of hang nail.

No problem - we all get them - I know first aid - just clip if off.

Then I looked closer. This was no hangnail. This was a split nail. Imagine the horror I faced.

Actually, it was quite nasty - in that I can't stand to look at it but I can't help myself from looking at it kind of way. I quickly leapt into super-first-aider mode, applied pressure and soon all seemed well. I convinced myself it was not big deal - there was no need for an emergency vet visit and even less need for an emergency vet bill. I then leapt into super-sneaky-pretend-I-didn't-notice mode, ignored the 4 blood spots on the carpet and took her home.

I did some fancy googling, hoping all the sites would tell me it was nothing - "just a scratch" they would say and recommend a little ice cream (for the owner), an extra carrot for the dog, and a couple of days of bed rest.

But no - the advice said crazy things like "sometimes the entire nail must be removed", "under anesthesia", "payment plans available" and most shockingly "a little ice cream for the DOG and an extra carrot for the owner." NOOOOO!

I lived in denial for another 12 hours or so, but when it started to bleed again this morning I kicked myself out of poor-broke-owner mode and into compassionate-whatever-it-costs mode. (I think it was imagining what it would feel like if she snagged it on something. YIKES!) I called the vet and put my car up for collateral. I was in such loose wallet spirits I signed her up for her (overdue) yearly physical/immunization extravaganza as well.

Before I knew it, she was weighed in (a small gain - oops - back into the 3 digits) and being praised by the very kind and thorough vet for her soft coat and charming (pathetic) begging for cookies (low fat of course).

It was all good news - healthy coat, good teeth, clean ears, clear eyes, stretchy hips, beating heart - and then the nail. The vet said it would need to come off as far down as it was split and offered to sedate her, or get someone to hold her and make it quick. As visions of payment plans danced through my head, I remembered having all four of my wisdom teeth pulled in the chair with no sedation and opted for the quick option. If a wimp like me could do it, a 101.5lb chubby mutt certainly could.

A wonderful lab tech came in, and after patiently giving Jasper time to relax and get to know her (read sniff frantically at her clothes to try to determine every breed, species and colour of animal that had been in that day), we were almost ready to go. On went the muzzle (just in case) and armed with 17 more cookies, we all held on tight for that fateful snip.

In that next moment, I would have given my car to have chosen the sedation option. Never was a more mournful cry heard, followed by a quick growl, which quickly settled into heart wrenching whimpers. It was all over in less than a minute, the snip, the Quick Stop, the cauterizing, the inhaling of cookies whole while still muzzled, the snuggles that meant forgiveness, but the deed was done. Jasper was fine. I was not.

I held back tears as she waited patiently for the vet to bandage her foot. I tried not to sob while the IV bag was tied to her foot to protect her from the rain (quite ingenious I might add). I did my best to sniffle discreetly while Jasper polished off 24 more low-fat cookies, oozed love on the vet and the tech and stood patiently for her vaccine injection. I held it together for the three-legged-get-this-off-me hop to the waiting room, the paying*, the medication instructions and the curious looks in the waiting room.

Then I cried all the way home.

Seriously, can you imagine if I had an actual human child**?

*All in all only $75 for NailGate 2005 (immunization and exam extra). Not bad considering Jasper has a cool new shoe and I scored a free IV bag. As if I'm letting her keep it.

**Just to be clear - I don't consider Jasper my child at all. I'm NOT THE MOMMY! NOT THE MOMMY!

***Further proof that Jasper is cool - she hasn't even tried to chew off her bandage. No dorky lampshade for her!

Give It Back

2005-01-25T22:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, this isn't funny any more.

Seriously.

I've had enough stress today and this kind of "joke" is pure evil any day of the week.

Don't make me get up.

I mean it, if I have to get off this couch, someone is in trouble.

Just give back the remote, and no one gets hurt.

Psst...

2005-01-24T14:12:00.000-08:00

Don't tell, but this is my first post from work.

Now I really feel like a blogger!

Jax

Wondering ...

2005-01-22T23:14:00.000-08:00

How many times do you think you need to trip the breaker before you remember that you can't run both the microwave and any other appliance?

At least once a day ... for 2 years?

That's what I thought.

Why my dog is cooler than your dog

2005-01-22T22:07:00.000-08:00

When I gave her 2 leftover baked potatoes for breakfast because I was out of dog food, she not only had no malice towards me for being an incompetent owner, but she loved those potatoes with all her heart.
By loved, I mean she tried to bury them in her bed because she likes to save the best treats for later. When she was unsuccessful in getting them both covered at the same time, she didn't bite me when I kept trying to steal one of the them just to torment her.
When tormented, she can eat a whole baked potato in two bites.
She didn't even try and eat the puppy in the pet store - despite the fact that it was smaller than a baked potato, had similar colouring and was being held at teeth level.
When I left her for 4 hours last night to go out with friends, she wasn't angry or bitter when I returned, but rather was so thrilled to see me, she spent the next 30 minutes trying to figure out a way to sit on my lap. Even when I wasn't sitting.
When I give her a treat, and ask her to say "please", she does.
She provides enough entertainment on a daily basis to my co-workers that all 95 lbs of her continues to be allowed to go to work with me - despite the unfortunate poop incident on the really stormy day and the shedding, which is beyond all imaginable shedding.
She loves everyone at work, including all our visitors, except the creepy guy who makes me feel horribly uncomfortable. Him - she doesn't let in my office.
She puts up with the rowdiness of the 20-25 kids that invade her "office" every day. She lets them sit on her bed beside her when they are sad and need a friend.
She runs to the window every time I say "Kitty", even if she's in a dead sleep. There is rarely a kitty outside, but she never resents me for laughing at her.
She likes to play with the cats upstairs even though she has never seen them. When they get rowdy, she barks and runs around too, because she thinks she can play with them through the floor. When that riles them up even more, she runs and jumps on the bed, as if she is trying to get as high up as possible, in hopes of actually finding them.
She loves whole carrots. If I ask her if she wants a carrot, she'll run to the fridge. When I open it, she tries to stuff her head into the vegetable crisper. When I give her the carrot, she bounds off with unabashed joy.
When she needs to go out, she lies down at the door and waits patiently, with her head on the floor sniffing the outside air coming in the gap, as if she is an addict waiting for a fix. She'll do this for as long as it takes - for example, as long as it takes me to write how cool she is.
She never mocks me that I'm completely obsessed with lists.

It was all for nothing

2005-01-22T16:11:00.000-08:00

So the Mother of all Naps ...

wasn't.

Today's Dwarf - Sleepy

2005-01-22T08:52:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to bed at 2:15AM. As I snuggled down into the comfy goodness, I remembered that I could turn the alarm off, because for the first time in 3 weeks, I didn't have to be anywhere before 9AM. I was planning to sleep until the rain stopped (forecasted to be sometime Sunday evening).

This morning I woke up at 4:45AM. I valiantly tried to get back to sleep, but eventually had to give up. By 9AM I had (in random order) walked the dog, showered (etc.) , sorted 2 weeks worth of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, blogged, re-organized my closet, flipped my mattress, sorted a months worth of recycling and loaded said recycling and laundry into the car.

I would like to pretend I did all of this because I am motivated and disciplined.

In reality, I did it in anticipation of the 8 hour nap I have planned for this afternoon.

Feeling Dopey

2005-01-20T13:33:00.000-08:00

Words I couldn't spell this week:

~ psychic
~ shoveled
~ vacuum
~ achieve
~ achievement
~ achiever (yes, I'm a complete idiot)
~ license
~ committed
~ lightning
~ questionnaire
~ embarrass

Pair of words I had to check on dictionary.com because I couldn't remember which was which:

~ breath/breathe

Words I used alternates for because I couldn't even get close enough to spell check.

~ nutritious
~ solely

Damn flu influenced brain cells.

Reason #1 of Why I Need to Move

2005-01-18T22:50:00.000-08:00

What ever happened to it being as simple as taking trash to a curb? Here in a city of tourism there is no trash at the curb - only in the back alley. We wouldn't want to admit that we actually create trash in the Northwest, would we? It was actually fine when I lived in a house with a back alley that actually connected to the back yard. Now - not so fine.

Taking out the trash in 30 easy* steps.

Empty indoor trash cans and consolidate into (hopefully) less than 2 kitchen size bags.
Sneak dog poop bags from outside into trash. Sneak because you're not allowed to put them in the trash even when they are double bagged. Once again wonder where you are supposed to put them.
Put leash on dog as trek to trash can involves entering alley popular with drug dealers.
Attempt to leave the house with 2 trash bags and 90lb dog on leash who is excited she is going for a walk.
Drop at least one bag as dog pulls your arm out of its socket in her excitement to go for a walk.
Yell for (at) dog to go "this way" and brace yourself as she turns on a dime and gallops towards the back yard.
Wince as your arm is popped back into place.
Pick up dropped back of trash and attempt to close door while playing tug-of-war with dog.
Practice new dance moves on icy path that landlord's have not bothered to shovel or salt because hey - they don't use it.
Arrive at back door to landlord's suite and find nicely shoveled and salted path for them to use. Remind yourself to buy them "Landlording for Dummies" or "Landlords are Dummies" depending on price and mood and whether or not they turn the furnace on tonight.
Step onto path and sink knee deep into slush & mud. Be thankful you've fed dog for the last 6 years as you now need all her strength to pull you out.
Realize that for the first time in 6 years, dog is not pulling on the leash. Curse at dog as she waits patiently for you to catch up.
Make it to back fence. Remember that the landlords have put a padlock on back fence to slow down drug dealers that break windows in your suite in their spare time.
Rejoice that your anal-retentiveness means you never leave the house without your keys. Rejoice more that you remembered this before you attempted to trek back to the house.
Unlock gate while holding bags of trash and leash to dog who has suddenly remembered that walks are for pulling and makes up for lost time.
Scrape all skin off of right hand knuckles.
Exit through gate, following dog who loves the alley because there is smelly trash and, on at least one lucky occasion, a dead rat.
Realize there are no drug dealers in alley at the moment. Breathe a sign of relief. Apologize to dog that she has no one to intimidate (aka become best friends with on sight).
Carefully navigate slippery slope from gate to two houses down the alley where trash must be placed. Mentally thank parents for purchasing Atari in 1982 on which you were able to hone your tree root jumping skills.
Consider irony that garbage truck cannot make it all the way down the alley to your back yard because there is too much trash in the alley.
Put trash bags in trash can. Wonder for 1873rd time why landlord's never have the courtesy to bring your trash can back to the house when they bring theirs, thus allowing you to remove trash from your apartment more than once a week. Remember they only pass this way a minimum of 4 times of day and only have 2 hands. Absolve yourself of any responsibility as there are only so many hours a week that can be dedicated to trash adventures.
Realize dog has not pulled one of your joints out if its socket since reaching bottom of slope. See dog routing through trash. Hope dog has not found dead rat.
Ask dog if she wants to go for walk. Make it back up slope in .8 seconds flat by 'skiing' behind dog as she bee-lines for the front of the house.
Use magical skills to lock padlock up as you fly through gate. Remember you don't have magical powers, yell to (at) dog, take skin off knuckles on left hand, but earn points for flexibility.
Employ Olympic talents to return to apartment door.
Disappoint dog by making her go back inside. Try to convince her that this was a legitimate walk.
Clean up bloody hands and try to remember what colour your pants were before they became completely encased in mud.
Decide to consider trash adventure/dog walk 'cardio'. Pacify new addiction by blogging about event instead of riding exercise bike.
Realize you now qualify for "Health and Fitness" category you randomly put your blog into when setting up counter.
Be in awe of your psychic powers.

*and by easy I mean absolutely ridiculously stupid and unnecessary

Working in pajamas

2005-01-17T13:02:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was fun.

That is, if your idea of fun is a Pepto-Bismal commerical and you're playing all the parts.

So today, I slept untill 11Am - a sleep that was repeatedly interrupted with commercial auditions until about 4AM, followed by the 'call-in sick' vs 'suck it up and work' debate everytime I got close to consciousness. I decided to compromise and work from home. I feel somewhat better, but have no desire to be around people and there is plenty I can do from here. Like write in my shiny new blog, clean the bathroom and walk the dog.

Somedays I really wish I had the kind of job where I could call in sick and someone else would do my work for the day, so there was actually a purpose in having a sick day. But as a project based, salaried worker - calling in sick does nothing except cause me to have to work longer hours the rest of the week - the projects don't change, nor do the deadlines. On the upside, I'm happily allowed to work in pajamas (if I stay home that is - it's frowned on at the office).

In hindsight, this is a really boring and mundane entry. Who reads this crap? Oh right - no one=) I just felt that after yesterday's miss, if my blogging addiction is going to become active, rather than passive, I better write something today. If I'm more clever later, I'll play with the delete keys.

Jax

Blogs for Dummies

2005-01-16T02:04:00.000-08:00

It's after 2am and I'm filled with excitement that comes from learning that I'm not an idiot!

I figured out how to tweak the blog template and add links and change colours and all together I've probably ruined the artistry of the template, but who cares (other than template's creator - and maybe his mom). My first venture into HTML has been a success.

I tried to set myself up with a stats counter, and hit a stumbling block when I had to pick a category for the web page. How can they not have a category for random thoughts and mindless ponderings? Of course, I don't really need a stats counter, but all the cool kids have them so ... actually I think all the wannabes have them. Mostly I'm just trying to figure out all the fun toys I can add.

I'm off to walk the dog ... oh, and maybe I should get some sleep.

Jax

My name is Jax and I'm a Lurkaholic

2005-01-15T22:51:00.000-08:00

It began about 8 months ago. I was surfing the net and somehow found myself reading a blog. I was familiar with the term, but had never really checked them out before. I read a bit, clicked a link, read some more, clicked another link and pretty soon my "Favorites" had a new "Blog" category.

As I found new gems to read, I found I wasn't satisfied to just read the recent posts - it felt like I was discovering "Friends" or "Sex in the City" midway through the 4th season. I learned to love those archives buttons and within a few weeks not only had a number daily must reads, but I was completely up to date with their online journey.

To my shame, in my eagerness to devour this new source of entertainment, I selfishly fell into the dreaded "lurker" category. I read and read and read and posted nary a comment. Not once.

I knew I was in too deep when I began taking life experiences and composing imaginary entries for a non-existant blog - something had to give. So here it is. I'm officially de-lurking. First this blog ... next the comment section ... who know the chaos this will cause!

Jax